Lonely Love
by Chocobonana
Summary: The story of Tetsuhiro and Souichi before they met and how their love for each other is ultimately what will help heal their past wounds. {Trigger warnings will be listed by chapter}
1. The Dark Woods (Tetsuhiro)

**Trigger Warnings: **Sexual abuse.

* * *

Masaki slit his wrists four days after we broke up. Four days… I'll always remember. I'll remember because my life went straight to hell after that.

He didn't die but everyone blamed me for what happened. Soon it started to circulate that I was the gay lech who'd seduced him and quickly broken his heart. Everyone in the town now knew I was gay, everyone… including my parents. If I'd thought I was a stranger in my own home before then well, I was now an outcast. My father used every passing moment to express his severe disappointment and my mother wouldn't even talk to me. It should have hurt more but I'd been prepared for their nagging I guess.

School became a nightmare: my friends deserted me and the teachers treated me differently from everyone else. No-one wanted to have anything to do with me… I was a plague on the town and depression had become my only companion.

I hated it. I hated everyone. I hated everything. I hated my parents for not listening to me, I hated my brother for not being there for me, I hated Masaki for abandoning me, and, most of all, I hated myself for being gay. I guess I could have called myself suicidal but I wasn't going down that road. I wasn't going to let them have their pleasure of getting rid of me like that. I wasn't going down without a fight. If my parents had thought me to be a rebel then I was to be an even bigger one.

I lived each day with defiance. I got married to the night and didn't give a single fuck what anyone thought. My motto was simple: if it had a dick and was hot, I fucked it. Word soon got out that I'd switched to the wild side and people expressed even more dissatisfaction but I still gave no shits. I made them squirm in shame when they saw me, they'd told me I should be ashamed of what I am but I didn't care. What more could they do to me? They'd already taken away so much – my family hated me and I had no-one to talk to. Although for a short time I regained my self-confidence, it wasn't long before they shattered me again…

Tuesday afternoon after gym class…Coach Kurou had told me to stay back afterwards. I waited in locker rooms after I'd changed into my _gakuran_, wondering what the old fart wanted with me. After waiting a little he showed up with a smile on his face.

"What do you want old man?"

He moved closer to me, still wearing his smug smile, "Rude aren't you?"

"Well you're keeping me after class, I want to go home."

He crossed his arms, "Go home? Don't you mean, 'Go out to fuck as many guys as

possible'?"

"Are you jealous?"

Then he moved in close, too close. He stared down at me for a long time, still smiling, it was a sinister smile. I held his gaze, I wasn't scared of him, I wasn't going to let him think I was weak… looking back on it now, a part of me wishes I'd just quit my strong act and ran away…

He grabbed my crotch and squeezed hard. I yelped and stood there, frozen in shock and disbelief. Coach Kurou pulled his face close to mine and planted a kiss on my forehead while his hands undid my belt buckle. I felt tears well up in my eyes and I grew ashamed of myself: I wanted to fight back, I wanted to swing at him and make him feel sorry for ever thinking he could cross me, yet all I did was stand there and cry.

He looked into my eyes and smiled again. "What's wrong Tetsuhiro? I thought this was what you liked to do?"

I moved back, away from him. I felt sick. I wanted to throw up. Why? Why? What the fuck was wrong with these people?

"I-I-I never said that you fucking idiot!"

My words wiped the smile off his smug face and he pushed me onto the locker room floor. I stared up at him, terrified of what was to happen next. He looked down at me with disdain, his lip curled in absolute disgust.

I wanted to scream in fear but my voice was chocked down and withered. My head and my heart were pounding. I felt trapped and I couldn't breathe.

He straddled me and grabbed my neck with both his hands and squeezed lightly. He stared at me with an expressionless face and then spat on the floor next to my head. I will never forget what he said afterwards. He said, "I'll let you go for now you little faggot, but remember – you brought all this on yourself."

His words haunted me. They still do. I didn't leave the locker room long after he'd gone. I remained on the floor, crying silently. I didn't get home till very late. When I walked through the door my brother was waiting for me in the living room. He looked me up and down and sneered, "I hope you didn't bring anything back with you."

I slapped him across the face. I'd had enough of these people. I'd had **enough**. I think that had been the final turning point in my life and I'd come to the realization that I was going to have no life in this fucking town and needed to get out before it turned me into a monster.

Going to university was my only escape option and I wasn't going to let it slip. I tamed my wild night life just in time for college entrance exams. I didn't care what college I got into as long as it was as far as fucking possible from my hometown.

As luck would have it I got into Nagoya University. I didn't have anyone to say goodbye to. I didn't have anyone that I'd miss. I can remember, as the train pulled out of the station, I looked at my hometown and my eyes welled with tears and I started crying silently. I didn't want to take this pain with me; I wanted to leave my tears on the train, a symbol of the start of my new life away from that hell of a hometown.


	2. Teardrops Fall South (Souichi)

**Trigger Warnings:** Suicide.

* * *

My mother died shortly before my high school graduation. She'd slipped and fallen down a dimly-lit flight of stairs while walking home one night. A part of me hollowed out when my father told me what had happened. Everyone thought that I'd be the first of her children to join her. I was devastated.

I shut myself out from the rest of the world. I spent my time buried in books and charts of all sorts. I focused on trying to solve equations that had no answers and didn't care that I was going in circles and getting nowhere. My father did not know how to handle his own grief, let alone mine, my brother's, or my sister's. He left me to do as I pleased hoping that I'd recover at my own pace but instead, I feel more into despair.

The climax came when I fashioned a noose out of a bed sheet I'd ripped to shreds. I wasn't thinking clearly at the time. My mother had meant everything to me. I'd learnt my smart-ass ways from her; I loved her for her take-no-bullshit attitude. My father was too much of a push-over; my mother was the one I'd idolized.

I stood there, contemplating all the things that would follow afterwards and I didn't know who I was anymore. All I wanted to do was go see my mother again. I placed the noose around my neck and prepared to jump. I don't know how but my father suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He cut the sheet and I fell onto my back.

I'd never seen his face so red. He had tears in his eyes. He slapped me across the face twice and hugged me tightly. He didn't say a word; he just hugged me and sobbed. I think that was when I realized how much he needed me.

The next day he came up to my room to see if I was OK.

"How're you holding up?"

He'd sat on my bed while I was on the floor, surrounded by several stacks of books and whatever else I needed to keep my mind off things. I didn't look up at him, I didn't acknowledge his question, I gave no answer in response.

He sighed and looked at me. I didn't acknowledge his gaze; I just stared into my book, pretending I was elsewhere.

"Sou-kun…"

I stared harder at my book.

"Sou-kun, Hana's death has affected everyone – "

I felt my eyes sting: the tears were starting to pool.

"– but that's not what she would have wanted. You know that."

A tear fell onto the page of the book I was holding.

"Sou-kun. I love you dearly. Please don't leave us. We need you."

My father got off the bed and hugged me. I buried my face in his chest and cried silently. I don't know how much time had passed, I didn't care. I needed to cry out my pain. I missed her so much.

After what felt like a lifetime, I stopped crying, wiped my tears, and returned to my book. My father patted me on the head and remained next to me. He started asking me questions about the various books I had lying around and I answered them. He seemed happy that I was talking to him and it made me feel slightly better.

He mentioned my hair, "You're growing it out?"

I winced and didn't respond. He stared at me and let out a light chuckle and patted me on the back.

"I can remember when I was your age; I didn't want to get my hair cut either."

He ruffled my hair and then got off the floor, "Come down soon, lunch will probably be ready in a bit."

He walked out of the room and shut the door slowly behind him. I couldn't tell if he'd guessed it and I didn't want to think about it. I returned to my books and tried not to think about anything.

* * *

People have told me that I'm an exemplary man. They've told me that I'm extraordinary and will go very far in life. I don't like it when they say that. They blow everything up and make it look like I was a child prodigy or something. If you do one good thing, people will constantly hold you to it. I don't want to be held to any standard… I'm not a god.

I'm nothing special. Sure, in high school I got really good grades and was a good student but that was it. I didn't have any friends so I didn't have anyone to distract me from school. I think it's the saddest thing about me.

When puberty hit my face broke out a lot. It was embarrassing. It was even more embarrassing since I was already the quiet hermit kid. I could never tell if people feared me or were just repulsed by me: although my pimples and shyness branded me as the "weird kid," I _did_ once beat up a bully who'd been bothering Tomoe and gained the silent respect of the delinquents in my school. I once overheard a bunch of my classmates saying that I would have been really popular if not for my pizza face and odd personality.

To sum everything up, high school had been a very awkward chapter in my life. I wish the ending note had been different but I can't rewrite time, I can only move forward and right now Nagoya University beckons.

My father was so proud when I got in. He grabbed me and kissed me on both my cheeks and gave me a noogie… my father is a very interesting man, to say the least.

That had been the first night I had alcohol. He handed me a can of beer and said, "Here you go son, as far as I'm concerned, you deserve it."

It tasted horrible. I winced as it went down.

"Don't worry," he said with a chuckle, "You'll find one you like."

My father departed with his research team soon after the start of my school year. They'd postponed the trip because of my mother's passing and he'd wanted me to get settled in before he ventured off. He asked me so many questions before he left, I told him I was going to be OK and so would Tomoe and Kanako.

"I'm proud of you, you know," he said, "You've grown up so much."

I managed a small smile and sighed; he always got soppy and sentimental.

"I think our luck is getting better: the pimples on your face are clearing up!" He let out a loud laugh after he said that. I gave him the side eye; he liked to make stupid jokes like that.

"Looking at you with that ponytail makes me think I'm looking at myself a couple of years ago."

I smirked, "Wanting to return to your prime?"

My father laughed, "No. Heavens, no. I'm just amazed at how much you look like me."

"Well you _did_ name me after you."

He smiled, "But you have Hana's hairline."

I responded with a sad smile. He gave me his final parting hug and left. He slide the door shut behind him and I was left standing in an empty house. I played with my shoulder-length ponytail, wondering why my father was so keen on my hair.


	3. Love? (Tetsuhiro)

I've been in Nagoya for nearly a month and nothing seems to have changed. I still find myself crying in the shower before bed, sometimes I can't eat; it's like the horror has followed me here. It's agonizing.

I tried to reawaken my avid night life but found it to be more exhausting than fulfilling. It took too much work to seek out guys I liked and fucking a bunch of nameless and faceless guys wasn't going to make me forget about Masaki.

Of course it hasn't been all bad; I did meet Hiroto-kun. He works at a gay bar and he came to my rescue after a failed cruising attempt. He'd seen me looking miserable and quickly came over. He's more than a little chatty and we ended up talking the entire night. Hiroto-kun is something; he's very different from a lot of the guys I know.

The best word to use to describe him is… colorful. He frequently dyes his hair bright auburn, he's always dressed to impress and I've never seen so many ear piercings on a man. He's unapologetically campy and there's no mistaking that he's gay. I envy him: he lives so full and free about his sexuality. I find myself quite drawn to him: he's easy to talk to and right now he's the only one who knows I'm gay. I guess I could call him the first person I've been truly honest with since I got here.

"Angel-kun, you look down again."

I look up from my drink. Hiroto-kun is hovering over me. I am seated at the bar on a Monday evening, slowly sipping my sorrows. I give Hiroto a fake smile and sigh, "There's nothing I can do about it."

He refills my glass, "Would you like to talk about it?"

I shake my head slowly and stare down at my glass again.

"You know I'm here for you, Angel-kun."

I feel a tear in my eye, "Yeah, thanks."

"I'm almost done with my shift, would you like to walk with me to the train station?"

I give him a small smile then get up to wait outside the bar. After a few minutes, he emerges and we make our way towards the train station.

"So are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

I squirm, "I don't want to talk about it."

He sighs and looks at me for a few paces. I look back at him; he wears a worried look on his face. Why is he so worried about me? We haven't known each other that long, he really shouldn't care that much.

We continue the walk in absolute silence. After a few paces, he tries to lighten the mood with his dirty anecdotes. Hiroto-kun is always brimming with stories of lusty men who think their local gay bar also doubles as a brothel. He knows I find these stories funny, but at this moment I cannot bring myself to find humor in anything at all. Hiroto-kun's storytelling dampers when he notices that I am not interested. We return to the silence.

We reach the train station and wait for the trains to arrive. Hiroto-kun looks at me just as mine is pulling into the station.

"Angel-kun, I don't know what happened to you in the past," he inches closer to me, "But I'm here for you if you need me," he plants a kiss on my cheek and gives me a sad smile.

I stare at him, my face heats up and I am speechless. The doors slide open and I quickly board the train, he waves good-bye and I sheepishly do the same.

* * *

I got a text from Hiroto-kun before I headed out to class; he wanted to know how I was. I didn't respond; I couldn't think of anything to text back. If he gives me shit for it later, I'll tell him I forgot my phone in my apartment because I was in a hurry.

I sigh. The library feels so empty today. I flip through the pages of the book in front of me; _just how many chapters am I supposed to cover_? I came here to study but now I don't even want to do this stupid reading. I'd thought coming to Nagoya would bring me freedom but instead, here I am, chained down by school, work and my past. I put my head on the desk and close my eyes briefly.

I quickly scan the room: seriously, why are there so few people in here? I thought people in top universities studied till their eyes fell out. I hear a page being turned in the distance and nonchalantly glance over to see who else is in the library with me.

Seated at a study desk not too far from mine is a man. He wears a serious expression on his handsome face as he stares intently into the book he is absorbing. His full-head of black hair is in a messy ponytail that falls down to about the middle of his back. I notice a slight stubble on his face and a tired look in his eyes; his body is drowned out of sight by a large black hoodie. He takes off his round frame glasses to rub his face and then quickly returns to his book.

I stare at him and feel my heart flutter and my ears grow hot. Why hadn't I seen him earlier? He doesn't notice my gaze and I'm happy about that: I probably look like a drooling horned-out schoolboy. My mouth dries out and I try to swallow, I clear my throat and my sudden noise draws his attention. He looks up from his book to see me staring and I quickly turn my head down to my desk. I shove my belongings into my backpack and make my exit. My face is burning red and my heart is pounding in my chest. I can remember feeling this way once before…

* * *

"Angel-kun, it's so good to see you smiling again," Hiroto-kun takes another sip from his glass and grins.

I chuckle and place my glass to my lips.

"So," he begins, "Tell me about him."

"Who?"

"Don't be cute with me," he places his drink on the counter, "You met someone."

I smile and my face reddens, "No I didn't."

Hiroto-kun pouts and raises an eyebrow. I chuckle and take a slow sip. He squints at me, trying to bore into my soul to get the answers.

"I'm telling the truth," I plead.

"Mmmhmm," he retorts disbelievingly, "Then explain all the smiling and blushing you've been doing when a week ago you looked like a boat lost in a storm."

"Believe me, Hiroto-kun; I haven't met anyoneone, besides… it's only a crush."

Hiroto-kun's face lights up, "So you did meet someone! Tell me EVERYTHING!"

I blush, "His name is… Tatsumi-senpai –"

I tell Hiroto-kun about how I met the handsome man in the library and butterflies fluttered through my stomach. I also mention how I've seen him several times around campus and haven't been able to say anything to him because I'm always lost for words.

"That's so cute, Angel-kun," squeals Hiroto-kun. He is beaming all over, "So when are you –"

"It's just a crush," I quickly interrupt, "Besides, he's probably straight."

I stare at the ice in my glass. It has to be nothing more than a crush; what else would it be? It still hurts to think about love, after what happened with Masaki. No, it's too early for me to be thinking about love.

"Angel-kun?"

I glance at Hiroto-kun, he has a concerned look on his face and his dark eyes are staring deeply into mine.

"Hiroto-kun, do you like me?" I ask sheepishly.

Hiroto-kun smiles, "Who wouldn't like a man like you? You have a handsome boyish face, a thick muscular body and I just can't imagine what your cock must look like."

"Hiroto-kun!" I feel my face turn a deep shade of red. I quickly look around, praying no-one just heard what he said.

"What? Too much?"

"Yes," I reply, "Too much."

We both chuckle for a short time and then sit in silence. I can hear the other patrons going about their merry ways, seeming to have no problems whatsoever; I wonder if I ever look that way to other people. I mull over Hiroto-kun's description of me, what do people think when they see me? I interrupt my thoughts to quickly return to the matter at hand.

"If you like me then why are you urging me to go after Tatsumi-senpai?"

Hiroto-kun smiles and leans in closer to me. He gently plays with my short black hair and says, "Because I know you don't like me that way and I want you to be happy."

He places his arms around me and we hug. He breaks the hug and kisses me on the cheek. I give him a shocked look.

"What?" He says, "That's how I greet my close friends."

We both chuckle and I smile to myself. For the first time, I can't help thinking that things _may _just turn out OK.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_Hello everyone! Thank you for reading Lonely Love and for being so patient. This is my first serialized fan fiction so I'm still learning the ropes. Just a few important updates:_

_1) This site doesn't allow fics with adult themes so I will have to post some upcoming chapters on Archive of Our Own. I requested an invite and should get one shortly. I will put the link in my bio so that you can find it easily._

_2) I will be posting the "tamer" chapters here so that this story is still updated on this site._

_Thanks once again :3_


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